Manners and Etiquette

Manners and Etiquette

Books I recommend:

The Goops and How to Be Them (excellent for very young children to help them understand the importance of good manners)

White Gloves and Party Manners Marjabelle Young Stewart and Ann Buchwald

Stand Up Shake Hands, Say How Do You Do? Marjabelle Young Stewart and Ann Buchwald

Manners by Kate Spade

I find the loss of civility in our society alarming. Lord Chesterfield once wrote his son, "The most well-bred person in a room is the one who makes the fewest other people uncomfortable." Spenser wrote, "The gentle minde by gentle deeds is knowne; For a man by nothing is so well betrayed as by his manners." SPENSER

For Southern women, teaching their children manners is of the utmost importance. It is important not just for the parents, although it is immensely rewarding for others to comment upon how well-mannered our children are, but for the children themselves. How awful for a child when others find them so rude in their conduct that they refuse to invite them back to their homes!

I know when our youngest daughter got married recently, the first thing I gave her was a contemporary look at manners and a book on writing thank you notes. I am amazed at the number of people who comment on the thank you notes she has written to them, and how promptly they were written.

I shall write more on this later. Your comments are welcome.

Websites:
http://mrsparty.com/manners.htm#MAXIMS_OF_CONDUCT
http://www.thegoops.com/

Do's for a Good Conversation (Social Graces by Ann Platz and Susan Wales, p. 72)

Share the conversation. Let everyone take a turn.
Keep the talk interesting and light.
Never embarrass your hostess.
Never ask what something costs.
Never use rude or shocking language.
Keep personal problems private, especially at another's expense.
Be sincere with your compliments.
Correct your spouse's etiquette, grammar, or behavior in private.
Talk with the people on your left and on your right when dining.
Be honest.
Listen carefully.
Be respectful.
Learn to compromise.

Guests should remember (Social Graces by Ann Platz and Susan Wales, p. 72)

Be punctual, but not early.
Cancel only if there is an emergency.
Make it a point to speak with the other guests.
Offer to help the hostess.
Wear appropriate attire--if you are unsure, ask the hostess.
Do not go to the party ill.
Don't be the last to leave.
Always tell your hostess you enjoyed the evening when you leave.
Call your hostess the next day to tell her you enjoyed the evening and write a thank you note immediately.

Southern mothers lessons for her son

Always say yes ma'am or yes, sir/ no ma'am or no, sir to one's elder
Remember to say please and thank you for gifts, kindnesses, and services rendered
Remember to write a prompt thank you note when someone has entertained you and for every gift
RSVP means Respond if you please. That means write to accept or regret. Regrets only means to write if you will be unable to attend. Do so promptly.
Always stand when a lady comes to the table and remain standing until the lady is seated
If a lady does not know to sit, or at least not linger until a man's food is cold, she should at least request that you again be seated before you sit
Never wear a hat inside (Howard, M.L. (2006). Hat Etiquette: Evil Swede's guide to proper hat etiquette. Retrieved on [October 4, 2008], from the Barbary Coast Vigilance Committee Web site: http://www.bcvc.net/hats/)
Hold the door for a lady
Stand when a lady enters or leaves a room
Walk on the street side of a sidewalk when walking with a lady
Turn off your cell phone when entering a theater, church or meeting
A gentleman precedes a lady down the aisle of the theatre and takes the outer seat on the row, unless that is the better seat. He then should relinquish that seat to a lady.
Never use rude or vulgar language around a lady.
Do not talk with your mouth full
Wait until everyone is served before eating.
If your dinner knife becomes dirty, do not put it on the tablecloth. Place it on the edge of your plate.
Place the napkin in your lap immediately upon being seated. If you must stand after putting your napkin in your lap, place it on the chair and not on the table.
Wait until everyone is served before beginning to eat.
Young ladies and gentlemen give up their seat to adults, the infirm, the handicapped, expecting women, or the elderly in crowded buses or waiting rooms. Never be seated until your mother is seated.
Help ladies put their coats on and take them off.
At the dinner table, a gentleman helps the woman to the right of him as she sits or rises from her chair.
A man's word is his bond. You will be remembered by how you kept the honor of your name.

Southern mothers lessons for her daughter

Always say yes ma'am or yes, sir/ no ma'am or no, sir to one's elder.
Remember to say please and thank you for gifts, kindnesses, and services rendered.
Remember to write a prompt thank you note when someone has entertained you and for every gift
RSVP means Respond if you please. Do so promptly.
A gentleman stands when a lady comes to the table and remains standing until the lady is seated. Do not linger and leave a gentleman standing. Extend a brief but cordial greeting and progress on...or sit if invited so the gentleman might sit and continue his meal. It is better not to intrude on a private gathering.
A lady may wear a hat inside.
Proceed through the door held by a gentleman with a smile and a thank you.
Walk on the inside when walking down a sidewalk with a lady.
A lady never walks and smokes. Indeed, it is preferable that a lady not smoke as that habit will affect her children and the aesthetics of her home and vehicle.
Never use rude or vulgar language.
Do not talk with your mouth full.
Wait until everyone is served before eating
If your dinner knife becomes dirty, do not put it on the tablecloth. Place it on the edge of your plate.
Place the napkin in your lap immediately upon being seated. If you must stand after putting your napkin in your lap, place it on the chair and not on the table.
Wait until everyone is served before beginning to eat.
Young ladies and gentlemen give up their seat to adults, the infirm, the handicapped, expecting women, or the elderly in crowded buses or waiting rooms. Never be seated until your mother is seated.
Turn off your cell phone when entering a theater, church or meeting.
Be modest in demeanor and dress
Just like a man, a lady's word should be her bond.